So, this past week... I have not been good. I have, in point of fact, been bad. Confusingly, I have not gained weight, but lost it. (A little of it.) I have eaten something that was fattening/sweet/ridiculous pretty much EVERY DAY this week. Lunch today was popcorn and Cookie Butter. Big Bit was thrilled. I had made less than a fully bowl (we have a Stir-Crazy, I cannot recommend them highly enough) and so after eating about 3 or 4 cups of popcorn and 5 or 6 tablespoons of Cookie Butter, I was thinking "Hey, another half-bowl of popcorn sounds great! And then we'll just finish off the last of the Cookie Butter, just to keep things neat and tidy ..." Fortunately I had to put Little Bit down for a nap first, which gave me a moment to realize what a Bad Idea that would be.
Ahhhhhhhhhhh what to do!
Also these week, exercise? Um, what exercise? I never said I would exercise ... oh wait. Right. That was me. Ahem.
It is my belief that I have, for lack of a more scientific term, stubborn fat. Slow to gather, slow to leave ... Otherwise I should be seeing a lot more yo-yo-ing on the bathroom scale. This is, I suspect, also related to nursing. It seems like nursing is really helpful for losing a chunk of weight at the beginning, and then there you stop. It's like your body fights to keep every ounce, screaming, "Noooooooo! What if there's a FAMINE? What if they run out of CHEESE? How will you feed your BABY????"
This is unhelpful.
So what to do? If I am "good" (as I define it, not as Health magazine defines it) I lose weight slooooooowly or maybe I stay the same for a while. If I am bad, I lose weight even more sloooooooowly or maybe I stay the same for a while or maybe I slooooooowly drift upwards on the scale. This, in case I have been unclear, is not working for me. I am determined to not be fat by Christmas, which means there are pounds (and pounds) to lose and not much time to do it. I think I'm going to have to rethink. A dash of strategy, a soupcon of planning ... And, I very much fear, not a little exercising.
The number: 260
Saturday, June 29, 2013
Wednesday, June 19, 2013
A Diet of The Mind
Days like this I feel like all the dieting I do is in my head. I think a lot about eating less, I might plan to eat less or research light recipes but I DON'T ACTUALLY EAT LESS.
*throws hands in air*
*heaves sigh*
Today I for breakfast I had a 100-calorie Quaker snack bar and a cup of Mighty Mango juice. Pretty good. Quaker bar was a little overly sweet, but still, not bad. Lunch was a fairly large portion of macaroni, spaghetti sauce, and shredded cheddar. Not so good. This is actually a real problem meal for me. It's quick, easy, cheap, and Big Bit likes it. Hard to say no to. Unfortunately it's pretty much nutritionally neutral. And since I'm pouring the dry pasta out of the box, hard to portion reasonably. I have been known to eat a POUND of pasta at a sitting. Which is pretty ridiculous. Snack was a graham cracker. Meh, not too bad, could have been worse, except for the part where it helps me think everything I put in my mouth should be sweet. The supper plan was salmon and mashed potatoes and possibly a bit of spinach salad.
You see that word, plan? Sort of indicates that reality might differ from the beautiful sentence that follows it? I burned the ever-living goulash out of those potatoes. I have seriously never burnt potatoes like I burned them tonight, and (of course) dinner had been delayed in the first place, so by the time it was clear that this meal plan was kaput, it was 7pm. And Big Bit hadn't eaten anything. And everything else in the house was going to take at least an hour to cook.
So I went and draped myself over The Husband and suggested we go to Waffle House. Sniffing the air, he quickly became agreeable and the four of us bounced out shortly later to dine at Chez Waffle. Where I ate a pecan waffle with butter and syrup, 2 eggs, 2 pieces of toast, 3 pieces of bacon, hash browns, half a glass of milk and three quarters of Big Bit's apple spice waffle.
*GROAN*
Why did I do that?? Why didn't I get an omelet or maybe a sandwich or hey, why didn't I suggest we go to Chik-fil-A instead, where it's so much easier to be good?
Why do I have this idea that I'm dieting so much more than I actually am???
The number: 262 Sigh.
*throws hands in air*
*heaves sigh*
Today I for breakfast I had a 100-calorie Quaker snack bar and a cup of Mighty Mango juice. Pretty good. Quaker bar was a little overly sweet, but still, not bad. Lunch was a fairly large portion of macaroni, spaghetti sauce, and shredded cheddar. Not so good. This is actually a real problem meal for me. It's quick, easy, cheap, and Big Bit likes it. Hard to say no to. Unfortunately it's pretty much nutritionally neutral. And since I'm pouring the dry pasta out of the box, hard to portion reasonably. I have been known to eat a POUND of pasta at a sitting. Which is pretty ridiculous. Snack was a graham cracker. Meh, not too bad, could have been worse, except for the part where it helps me think everything I put in my mouth should be sweet. The supper plan was salmon and mashed potatoes and possibly a bit of spinach salad.
You see that word, plan? Sort of indicates that reality might differ from the beautiful sentence that follows it? I burned the ever-living goulash out of those potatoes. I have seriously never burnt potatoes like I burned them tonight, and (of course) dinner had been delayed in the first place, so by the time it was clear that this meal plan was kaput, it was 7pm. And Big Bit hadn't eaten anything. And everything else in the house was going to take at least an hour to cook.
So I went and draped myself over The Husband and suggested we go to Waffle House. Sniffing the air, he quickly became agreeable and the four of us bounced out shortly later to dine at Chez Waffle. Where I ate a pecan waffle with butter and syrup, 2 eggs, 2 pieces of toast, 3 pieces of bacon, hash browns, half a glass of milk and three quarters of Big Bit's apple spice waffle.
*GROAN*
Why did I do that?? Why didn't I get an omelet or maybe a sandwich or hey, why didn't I suggest we go to Chik-fil-A instead, where it's so much easier to be good?
Why do I have this idea that I'm dieting so much more than I actually am???
The number: 262 Sigh.
Friday, June 14, 2013
Post-Vacay
Vacations are ... rough on diets. I basically muddled my way though, particularly the second half of the week. I tried to generally make good decisions. I passed on a lot of sweet snack foods. One of my cousins in particular seemed to turn up with a different box of cookies, biscotti, chocolate covered potato chips or "brownie brittle" at least once a day. Seriously unhelpful.
I consistently chose baked or boiled over fried or sauteed. I avoided anything that came in a bakery box.
But there was just so much, constantly available from all different sources. Another hard thing was that I never really knew what the eating plan for the day was. Plans were generally non-existant until the last moment. So I'd have my treat for the day and then discover that something 10x better was in the works.
Sigh.
Growl.
Arg.
I'm home now, and it's proving hard to be good. I did go "running" very briefly this morning and felt like I was going to throw up. Apparently I'm not very good at breathing. Or something. Gotta work on that.
The number: 259
I consistently chose baked or boiled over fried or sauteed. I avoided anything that came in a bakery box.
But there was just so much, constantly available from all different sources. Another hard thing was that I never really knew what the eating plan for the day was. Plans were generally non-existant until the last moment. So I'd have my treat for the day and then discover that something 10x better was in the works.
Sigh.
Growl.
Arg.
I'm home now, and it's proving hard to be good. I did go "running" very briefly this morning and felt like I was going to throw up. Apparently I'm not very good at breathing. Or something. Gotta work on that.
The number: 259
Tuesday, June 4, 2013
Quandary
OK so.
I am on vacation.
I am on a diet.
Now what?
I feel like vacation should be relaxing, freeing, time to sleep late (Ha ha just kidding you have a toddler), time to buy fun books, time to look up recipes for mixed drinks that I would never make the rest of the year.
But. What if I go off the deep end and can't come back to the straight and narrow? (Excuse the mixed metaphors, I'm trying to write in a hurry.) Giving up diets after a week or two is sort of an MO for me. Sort of why I'm writing this blog in the first place. What to do, what to do? This morning we went to a wonderful little restaurant and I had french toast made with currant bread and stuffed with house specialty apple sauce. It was wonderful and definitely qualified for my "treat" of the day. But then later my younger brother and I were out together and he had been incredibly long-suffering and thoughtful throughout a long shopping trip and I offered to spring for gelato and have a "moment." The right move for the relationship, probably not the right move for the diet. It also was definitely not the best gelato ever, thus breaking my rule of only eating treat foods that are really worth it.
I am sitting here waiting for my cousin to make cookies and then the family is watching a movie together and I can just see more and more of these moments coming at me. And relationship is SO important to me (I'm an INFP on the Myers-Briggs) so I really hate to hold myself apart from all those moments. And (honesty!) I really hate to miss out on all those treats.
Sigh.
What am I going to do?
I am on vacation.
I am on a diet.
Now what?
I feel like vacation should be relaxing, freeing, time to sleep late (Ha ha just kidding you have a toddler), time to buy fun books, time to look up recipes for mixed drinks that I would never make the rest of the year.
But. What if I go off the deep end and can't come back to the straight and narrow? (Excuse the mixed metaphors, I'm trying to write in a hurry.) Giving up diets after a week or two is sort of an MO for me. Sort of why I'm writing this blog in the first place. What to do, what to do? This morning we went to a wonderful little restaurant and I had french toast made with currant bread and stuffed with house specialty apple sauce. It was wonderful and definitely qualified for my "treat" of the day. But then later my younger brother and I were out together and he had been incredibly long-suffering and thoughtful throughout a long shopping trip and I offered to spring for gelato and have a "moment." The right move for the relationship, probably not the right move for the diet. It also was definitely not the best gelato ever, thus breaking my rule of only eating treat foods that are really worth it.
I am sitting here waiting for my cousin to make cookies and then the family is watching a movie together and I can just see more and more of these moments coming at me. And relationship is SO important to me (I'm an INFP on the Myers-Briggs) so I really hate to hold myself apart from all those moments. And (honesty!) I really hate to miss out on all those treats.
Sigh.
What am I going to do?
Monday, June 3, 2013
Capris
Pro tip: If you have fat legs and are at the beach and do not expect to spend 98% of your time actually in the ocean, CAPRI PANTS ARE YOUR FRIEND. Seriously. For some reason being this overweight and having bare legs is just eye-drawingly awful, but weighing the same amount and having your legs sheathed in olive capri pants is somehow much more discreet.
I am at the beach and my project this week is organizing all the pictures on my computer and camera memory. Most of these are incredibly sweet, magazine-worthy pictures of Bit Bit and Little Bit. Some, however, were pictures of me last year at the beach. Let's just say that spaghetti straps are not my friend. So ... much ... skin ...
Nauseating.
I really am trying to not wallow in the self-hatred here. To that end, this year I specifically purchased a swimsuit with a higher neckline that fastened between the shoulder blades for more coverage and (very important!) more support. I am an E cup. Support. Is. Crucial.
I think that part of not hating yourself, not being self abusive, isn't to just be utterly blind to your own faults. Loving the way you look (This is a goal for me, not yet a reality), has to entail knowing your weaknesses and being kind to them. Particularly when you know there will be a camera around and you will have to remember your wardrobe choices forever.
I am at the beach and my project this week is organizing all the pictures on my computer and camera memory. Most of these are incredibly sweet, magazine-worthy pictures of Bit Bit and Little Bit. Some, however, were pictures of me last year at the beach. Let's just say that spaghetti straps are not my friend. So ... much ... skin ...
Nauseating.
I really am trying to not wallow in the self-hatred here. To that end, this year I specifically purchased a swimsuit with a higher neckline that fastened between the shoulder blades for more coverage and (very important!) more support. I am an E cup. Support. Is. Crucial.
I think that part of not hating yourself, not being self abusive, isn't to just be utterly blind to your own faults. Loving the way you look (This is a goal for me, not yet a reality), has to entail knowing your weaknesses and being kind to them. Particularly when you know there will be a camera around and you will have to remember your wardrobe choices forever.
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